I should also mention that Ive only used the name Marissa online so far. Ive told a few IRL people about it, but not acted it out yet, although I might in the future
My wife doesnt like that I have a feminine side, so online contexts have been very useful for "acting it out"
8:59 PM
Well really, even then I still often move/feel feminine when shes around; like I said, feminine vs masculine is really mostly a small distinction for me that is hard to put into words(edited)
9:00 PM
"Acting it out IRL" for me would mostly mean using a more feminine voice and maybe buying a dress to wear for live shows with my band(edited)
Unfastened Belts
My wife doesnt like that I have a feminine side, so online contexts have been very useful for "acting it out"
I dont need my wife to accept my totality. Its more or less her choice between that, and me keeping secrets from her (Im also fine with her keeping secrets)
I hope you don't take offense but I really do shudder at the idea of having to project an incomplete persona to a person who's chief role imo is to support me. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it, I'd push it, even with another human partner. I require at least a couple of sources of true and unfiltered connection with some people.
9:17 PM
And usually I consider that the venue of extremely close friends and partners.
Personally, I can tolerate it and don't need to push it. I also dont think in terms of "this person fulfills roles X, Y and Z to me while this other person fulfills roles A, B and C"
Unfastened Belts
White lies are to lies as medians are to tulpas ;P
There may hypothetically be "more", but fantasizing about that is usually suffering in my case rather than actually considering a change of circumstance(edited)
I'd argue it's not hypothetical or abstract at all. There is a distinct lack of trust specifically in that situation. Pushing it could cause it to collapse, but being trusted truly by another person is exquisite... In numerous circumstances.
9:28 PM
There are few reasons I even engage with other humans. But that is one of them.
Indeed, to be clear I'm not advocating any course of action here, that would be presumptuous. Merely granting my own emotional response. You're clearly at a deeper point than I would ever have gotten to.
9:32 PM
Trust is an immediate requirement for me or the person is binned.
9:32 PM
Dunked from downtown into the trash, if you will.
9:33 PM
After being scrunched up into an aerodynamic ball.
"Fronting" means controlling the body. It could be switching or possession, people use it to mean both. I believe for Marissa/Shake it's switching.
Wait noneones fronting?
Someone has to control the body. It's either Marissa or Shake.
Is this something I could do even tho my tulpa isijt rly vocal
Can your tulpa control your body? Possibly, but I don't recommend it. If she manages to speak with the body's voice before she's vocal in the mind, that would be extremely fascinating to me.
What happened then
Marissa and Shake can't talk to each other in the imagination.
Median
When you and your tulpa say you're you. If I asked your tulpa their name, they would tell me their name is Poochball. They're kind of like your clone but they do different things and have different opinions.
^ This definition isn't technically correct in the general case, but I'm trying to break it down into simpler concepts.(edited)
Technically mine didn't and still doesn't really have a fixed name, mind you. But he does have various titles and I never really address him with my name.(edited)
"Median" is a spectrum, and in retrospect the example I used wasn't relevant to Marissa's case.
Median is on a spectrum that ranges from two distinct entities who think they are pieces of the same person to two "clones" who are slightly different from each other. I think the former is interesting because I don't know too many examples. Arguably, a tulpa and host could become median in this way by claiming they are no longer separate individuals. The latter is probably more likely to come up in a traumatic system where some of the alters see themselves as different parts of the same person. Kind of like "the version who goes to school", "the version who hangs out with friends", etc. The alters may all go by the same name and ultimately see themselves as fragments of a greater whole.
I think somewhere in between can happen if two entities blend and merge a lot? Maybe not? I don't know, maybe physical separation (blending or not) and mindset speration (We're the same no questions vs we're separate but the same person) are kind of different things.
2:28 AM
A 2d spectrum maybe?
2:31 AM
Actually, maybe the mindset aspect is more important than the physical separation
Well you said, "becoming median ... by ... no longer [being] separate individuals"(edited)
2:40 AM
As Ive explained, in our case, we just got lazy about forcing before there was much separation at all, and hence ended up somewhere in the middle (probably still a bit closer to being a singlet than to being a two-headmate system)
Unfastened Belts
Ive heard a couple of definitions of medians by now, but "sharing the same name" is a new one to me (edited)
That last one describes more our experience, chiefly between Vixie and I. Which is always a little weird because in some ways I feel I have more in common with Scarlet, at least superficially.
An alter ego (Latin for "other I","doppleganger") means an alternative self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or true original personality. Finding one's alter ego will require finding one's other self, one with a different personality. The altered states of the ego may themselves be referred to as alterations. A distinct...
Every time I see that Freudian image my sphincter clenches in academic fury, y'know. That it is used on that page without any reference to the fact it's wrong because Freud was just making stuff up gives me the heckin' anger. It annoys me that the word ego is forever linked with superego and id, which are nonsensical.
I'm a combination of 3, the oldest of whom is 6.5 years old. I consider myself 6.5 years old because I consider that to be me. But if you considered yourself to be a new headmate, you could very fairly start counting from when the merge happened :3
@Cerys - jump
Thank you for the input! I kinda see myself as both, so I guess I'd be more 5 years old
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